After experiencing military sexual trauma, Tony fell into a life of misusing drugs and alcohol, trying to find relief from his nightmares and lingering thoughts. When Tony’s decisions cost him his job, he finally sought treatment for MST. Now he knows he is worthy of being happy and having joy in his life.
View Video TranscriptTony:
My name is Tony. I was in the Army from 1979-1990. I loved being in the Army, but I had a bad experience probably about two months into the Army. I had some military sexual trauma. I didn't even think about telling nobody. It wasn't even a thought at the time, or it wasn't even an option at the time. I was just trying to figure out how to deal with these feelings that I didn't understand that I was having. Started having a lot of nightmares and stuff like that, and I started drinking a lot and the drinking would help me with that. So, of course, after you start drinking a lot and drinking a lot, you start hanging around with different kind of people that's kind of like that's their lifestyle.
Leaving Fort McClellan and going to Germany, the drugs over there was like more than I’d ever experienced in the States, you know, heroin and hash, stuff like that I had never even, you know, cocaine, I had never even really knew much about it, acid and stuff like that, and I had just got really into a lot of stuff. You know, I couldn’t stop. I was just using and I didn’t want to use. Money started becoming a problem. I kept using, kept using. And finally, after three years, I was able to leave Germany and I had to go back to San Antonio where the military sexual trauma happened at. I ended up having to go back there for training. I started not to understand why I was taking these, you know, using drugs and I couldn’t understand after a while why I couldn’t stop using them.
I was in the service for ten years and I was a Sergeant, and one day they just they came to me and told me they should put me in jail, they should lock me up, but they said, “We’re not going to do that because you’re a good guy. You’re a good soldier, man, and we don’t know what happened to you,” and what that did is allow me to get out but with an honorable discharge.
My wife, she had divorced me, and I got out and I went home to Michigan. And in 1992, I was able to kind of stop for a minute and I got a job as a fireman. I was doing very well, and I started back smoking crack and I ended up losing my job.
What happened was I was going to these self-help meetings and I would hear people talking about different things. I would hear people talking about helping each other and, you know, all these things that I wasn’t doing and wasn’t even thinking about and what happened is I realized that I needed help. And what started helping me more than anything is when I was able to open up in the groups because what happened, every time I shared about it, at the end of that meeting at least one man would come up to me and ask me for my phone number and then later we would talk about it. I realized that the problem with me all along was what was going on inside of me, how I felt about stuff, and I had to figure out a way to do something with this stuff. That’s what I was trying to figure out all the time and I found out that I had to talk about it.
Today, you know, I got a little apartment, a car, and a decent job and, you know, and it’s all because I decided to let people help me. And so what I do is I just continue to let people help me, you know what I mean, and use everything that I’ve been through to help other people. That does a big, big thing for me. Something that’s really, really important for me is to be open about this and talk about this because there are so many men that, you know, just won’t talk about it, want to but don’t know how, and I knew how that felt. Try to talk to somebody and be honest about how you’re feeling because it’s like this is my life and I’m worth being happy. I’m worth having peace. I’m worth having joy.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
An online source of information for persons seeking treatment facilities in the United States or U.S. territories for substance abuse/addiction and/or mental health problems.
The NRD links to services and resources that support Service members, Veterans, families and caregivers.
Click here to view the Vulnerability Disclosure Policy.
Hello! Looking for Veteran videos? We can help.
Start by selecting a topic:
Negative Moods or Emotions
Which of these signs or symptoms are you interested in learning more about?
Anger & Irritability
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: This Marine Veteran Manages Anger With Distance Running and Coping Techniques
Video Title: Know that there is help out there
Video Title: Marine Gets Opportunity To Pick Up His Life After Substance Misuse
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing anger & irritability, what can I do about it right away?
Some anger management strategies include walking away from the situation, maintaining a regular sleep schedule, taking slow, deep breaths, and exercising regularly. You can also talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about your anger and irritability. They may be able to provide support and help you find resources that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Anger and Irritability page.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Anger & Irritability.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Feeling on Edge
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: “I like who I am now.” Marine Veteran Rediscovers Her Worth Through Therapy
Video Title: Finding ways to deal with feeling on edge
Video Title: Hypervigilance | Signs of a Mental Health Challenge
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing feeling on edge, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Feeling on Edge.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Feelings of Hopelessness
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: I’m not a victim anymore
Video Title: Dealing with feelings of hopelessness in therapy
Video Title: Healing after feeling hopeless
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing feelings of hopelessness, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Feelings of Hopelessness.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Guilt
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: Finding Your Purpose
Video Title: Compassion and Forgiveness
Video Title: Army Veteran Crafts a Better Life Through Mental Health Treatment
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing guilt, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Guilt.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Loss of Interest or Pleasure
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: “I wasn't ready.” Army Veteran Discusses PTSD and Being Open to Healing
Video Title: Her father saw the signs and recommended help
Video Title: Recovering from a father’s death
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing loss of interest or pleasure, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Loss of Interest or Pleasure.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Social Withdrawal & Isolation
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: Connecting with others to find a fulfilling life
Video Title: “You just continually heal.” Veteran Shares How Women’s Therapy Groups Helped Her Rebuild Her Life
Video Title: Getting back on track in civilian life
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing social withdrawal & isolation, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Social Withdrawal & Isolation.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Stress & Anxiety
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: Navigating Life's Transitions
Video Title: Grounded in the Present
Video Title: A New Purpose
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing stress & anxiety, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Stress & Anxiety.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Social or Relationship Challenges
Which of these signs or symptoms are you interested in learning more about?
Relationship Problems
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: Veteran on Maintaining Sobriety: “I get better by helping others.”
Video Title: Curtis’ wife was the reason he reached out
Video Title: Coming home was tougher than Jamie expected
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing relationship problems, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Relationship Problems.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Physical Symptoms
Which of these signs or symptoms are you interested in learning more about?
Chronic Pain
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: Getting Your Life Back
Video Title: About Getting Support, Marine Corps Veteran Says: “It felt good to talk to somebody that listened.”
Video Title: A Hand Up
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing chronic pain, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Chronic Pain.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Eating Problems
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: Setting Up for Success
Video Title: Learning skills in therapy to manage anxiety
Video Title: Treatment helped after a traumatic brain injury
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing eating problems, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Eating Problems.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Headaches
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: A Veteran’s Journey From Homelessness to Hope
Video Title: Treatment for TBI improved David's life
Video Title: A Veteran reaches out for help with TBI symptoms
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing headaches, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Headaches.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Trouble Sleeping
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: “We’re still comrades.” Army Veteran Describes His Systems of Support
Video Title: Vietnam Veterans’ Voices on Managing PTSD
Video Title: Admitting she needed support was the first step
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing trouble sleeping, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Trouble Sleeping.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Cognitive Symptoms
Which of these signs or symptoms are you interested in learning more about?
Confusion
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: Sometimes it's more than a physical injury
Video Title: Steps to overcome panic attacks
Video Title: Everything seems like a potential threat
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing confusion, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Confusion.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Difficulty Concentrating
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: My life has gotten so much more livable
Video Title: Solutions for difficulty concentrating
Video Title: Taking steps to improve memory helped her husband
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing difficulty concentrating, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Difficulty Concentrating.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Dizziness
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: I don't know what would've happened without VA
Video Title: Coping with TBI to improve quality of life
Video Title: Marine Corps Reservist’s Advice on Getting Treatment: “Do it for yourself.”
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing dizziness, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Dizziness.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Flashbacks
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: Triggers | Signs of a Mental Health Challenge
Video Title: Ending the grip of nightmares and flashbacks
Video Title: A science class causes a flashback for Tim
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing flashbacks, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Flashbacks.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Noise or Light Irritation
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: I believe we're all in this together
Video Title: Counseling for PTSD leads to a work-study program
Video Title: Army Veteran Encourages Others To “Be Vulnerable” in Order To Heal
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing noise or light irritation, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Noise or Light Irritation.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Nightmares
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: Recovering from flashbacks and nightmares
Video Title: Nightmares | Signs of a Mental Health Challenge
Video Title: The first thing I noticed was nightmares
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing nightmares, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Nightmares.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
High-Risk Activities
Which of these signs or symptoms are you interested in learning more about?
Alcohol or Drug Misuse
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: After Challenges With Gambling and Substance Use, Veteran Finds Tools To Recover
Video Title: Army Veteran Found Support To Live Authentically After Service
Video Title: “We’re stronger together.” Army Veteran Urges Women Veterans To Get Support
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing alcohol or drug misuse, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Alcohol or Drug Misuse.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Gambling
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: After Challenges With Gambling and Substance Use, Veteran Finds Tools To Recover
Video Title: Brenda found the support she needed to live well
Video Title: Gambling for the adrenaline rush
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing gambling, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Gambling.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Reckless Behavior
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: “Each day was a new opportunity.” Veteran Reflects on Sobriety Journey
Video Title: I was carrying a heavy load
Video Title: Veteran strength to reach recovery
What else can we help you with?
If I'm experiencing reckless behavior, what can I do about it right away?
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Reckless Behavior.
Is there anything else we can help you with?