A Veteran’s Journey From Homelessness to Hope
I remember my first sergeant said, “You have a lot of potential.” I didn't know what that meant. It took me years to figure it out.
My name is Deidre. I served in the Army. 73 Charlie, finance specialist from 1981 to 1984. I was unprepared. I was 18, a bit nuts. I did, in fact love meeting other service members. I didn't like getting up,exercising whether I wanted to or not. I was depressed, but I didn't know it. Slowly, things just started bothering me. I think I changed roommates three times and I started getting migraines. It was a lot. It was just things over and over. After I got out of the Army, I went back to Oakland after visiting with my grandmother and started working. Some of the jobs asked if you were a Vet, and by then the wars had started and I didn't feel I was worthy to put Veteran, and I absolutely didn’t, for a very long time. Someone had said to me once, “all gave some, some gave all,” and then that helped me to embrace that part of my life's journey.
My mom sadly passed away last November. She just simply wasn't the nicest person to me, I'm really sorry to say that. I couldn't live with her. I never put together the fact that I could have moved out. I was simply running again. And I met this guy who was in the Navy and, he was convenient because he was interested and I was running. And next thing you know, we're going to Reno to get married. I went to therapy for some issues I had in my marriage, and my mom came up. The process was to go just open the conversation with your mom, Like, “Do you ever think that our relationship isn't good?” My mom says, “Yeah, I've always suffered abuse at the hands of my children.” No support, no love. My grandmother loved me, so I did have it, but not from my mom. My mental health was affected by my ex-husband. He was an abuser. And my grandmother says “If he hits you once, he'll hit you again.” She said that after the first time, I didn't believe her. So after the second time, I believed her. I sold everything. And I had enough money, I got on Amtrak and I've not seen him since. Right before I got homeless, I had lost my job. I had this worthlessness feeling about myself. I got in touch with an agency. They have so many agencies that help Vets.
I started going to therapy. At one point, I was going twice a week. Then I was down to once a week. I received a lot of one-on-one. I did a lot of journaling, a lot of writing. Writing out that it’s not my fault my mom didn't love me. There was zero I could have done to change that. It's just a life, you know? You go through ups and downs and if you ignore it, it's going to manifest itself, and not in a healthy way. I had to just acknowledge who I was, who I wanted to be, and fortunately who I had always been, but just hadn't let it come out. The therapy, I couldn't have done it without it. I needed it.One of the agencies that was helping me introduced me to Operation Dignity. They work kind of hand-in-hand with Swords to Plowshares, finding you jobs, employment and training. When I was looking for employment to get back into the workplace, I wanted to give back to the community. And I saw Swords to Plowshares was hiring and I applied.I've been working since then at Swords. You find housing for Veterans who are homeless and having been there. I was all in. I didn't tell a lot of my clients that I'm a Veteran because you don't have to be a Vet to help a Vet. It's overwhelming the support that I have. I got family and friends and they are seeing me now. It is very gratifying. Acknowledge that you are in pain. I’m 61, seriously, it took me about 56 years to love myself.
Do it, and get some help.
