About Getting Support, Marine Corps Veteran Says: “It felt good to talk to somebody that listened.”
Shortly after high school, two days after graduation, I was shipped down to Parris Island, South Carolina, on June 26, 2001. And we were the first graduating class post 9-11 on September 21st. The rest is history. You know the world changed since then.
My name is Ryan, served United States Marine Corps from June 2001 to February 2010. I served as an 0811 Field Artillery crewman and 0313 Light Armor reconnaissance. Battle of Fallujah, in November of 2004. That was heavy. That continues to trouble me certain days of the year, certain times of the year, especially around October, November. it was considered, you know, the second Battle of Huế in a sense. But then we left after that, you know, seven-month tours for us Marines. You're going from one heavy environment and nonstop action, nonstop patrolling, back to a normal way of life. I felt issues right after that, right when we got back, and we're transitioning back into the States. I couldn't sit home. In February 2006 is when I re-enlisted. That was a lot as well, you know, not as much action and engagement as my ‘04 ’05 tour. I got out in 2010. I actually opened up a small business back then. I was doing detailing, I was trying to get in the automotive business, so mechanic. Right at the end of 2010, my shop got broken into. I had a little, you know, nice little shop going, making decent money, about 15, 20,000 thousand dollars worth of gear, completely stolen. That's when I started seeking counseling with the Vet Center.
PTSD, TBI, herniated disks in upper and lower back, chronic migraines, with multiple... I got tinnitus. It's nonstop ringing. Like there are days where like it’s all I hear right now being so quiet. And it wasn't ‘till recently, when I lost my job last year, until it really like kicked into overdrive. Because there were days I just wanted to break everything. I had this real nice car. I’d want to break my car and just drive it off somewhere and destroy it, just to maybe hurt myself or something. Lots of really bad dreams. There were times I was driving home, and the whole forest would disappear and turn into a desert landscape. You know, it felt like I was back on patrol again. And that's when I was just like, ‘I'm... I can't do this anymore.’
These past seven months, I started CBT in January and then it just ended. Sometimes talking to a doctor is like, “Mm-hmm.” “Yeah. Mm-hmm.” Lotta “Mm-hmm.” And then that's it. “All right, I'll see you next week.” This was, you're telling me a story, I'm breaking it down for you, and I'm giving you information back that you can now use for your life to help yourself. It felt good to talk to somebody that, you know, listened, and took my story into account and actually gave me feedback on how to deal with things. And that's pretty much what I was looking for. Got a job again, building gardens for a local Veterans Center. They got a grant, and they're paying me, and we got all these raised gardens growing.
I'm working on getting better, you know. My son, I don't want him to grow up to be, you know, isolated himself. And I want to be there for them and do those things with him. Why not use that energy for something positive, you know? Go for a walk, you know, exercise. Take your kid out to ice cream, you know, do something different than go break something. Just do it. Get out of your own way, and if you don't want to go to VA, find somebody that can help you because everybody's different. It's a never-ending battle. But I want to be able to... if those feelings pop up, calm things down, stay focused, you know. And if I could tell other Veterans that are dealing with the same thing, as hard and scary and annoying as it is, you know, find somebody. Took me a while, but you know, eventually, it worked out. You got to take the step pretty much. You just have to do it.
