“Each day was a new opportunity.” Veteran Reflects on Sobriety Journey
When I was growing up in high school, a lot of drinking, underage drinking. It was common. And I wanted to escape that, but in reality, I never did.
My name is Alison, I served in the US Army Reserves for two years, from 1980 to 1982. After that, I went active duty Marine Corps, 0131, which is a unit diary clerk, basically administration. I was a victim of military sexual trauma at my first duty station. Acted like it never happened. Really didn't understand the ramifications it would have on me moving forward. I was married, I was pregnant with my first child. I had orders to go to Japan unaccompanied. My husband at the time was active duty also. And I said, there's no way I'm going to Japan by myself with a baby. So I ended up getting out. I regret that decision, It was a hard transition. I wasn't prepared for real life.
After service, I had depression, I had anxiety, I never spoke about it, but I definitely suffered. I started drinking because it was what I knew. I was very reckless when I was drinking. I was a nurse for 25 years. I did end up losing my license. as a direct result of the drinking. My life was in shambles. I was homeless for a period of time. Ended up going into a shelter for females, Veterans.
When I did hook up with the VA, they diagnosed me as dual diagnosed. I had a mental health problem in addition to the drinking. It was hard for me to swallow a mental health diagnosis that they gave. Like, ‘No, that's not me.’ But it was me. My official diagnosis was PTSD as a result of the sexual trauma. I also have a diagnosis of bipolar. The symptoms of bipolar was I was erratic. Drinking and driving at that time. I was shopping recklessly. My behaviors were just out of control. My ex-husband had taken the kids at that point, he got custody. And that was a wake up call.
The four month outpatient was a lot of education. I was used to treating other people and I wasn't used to treating myself. There was a lot of basic skills that they taught. Money management, relationship issues, how to communicate, how to be honest, how to be open. And that worked. That worked for me. Not every day was a good day. I had many, many, many, many, many bad days. But each day was a new opportunity for me to do things right.
Being sober has given me life. I have very good relationships with my children, I'm proud of their success. I'm proud of how they're living life. I think I've corrected a lot of the wrongs that I've done. I've been sober since New Year's Day 2007. It’d be sixteen years.
I work in a nonprofit as a caseworker. I'm getting ready to retire in another month and I have a big wishlist, a board at home where I post all the things that I plan on doing. And I'm hopeful every day when I wake up that I can accomplish at least one good thing. Go to the VA and basically spell it out for them. When I go into the VA and I'm seen, they're looking at everything physically, mentally, psychologically, spiritually. They put all those pieces together for you. It's hard to be humble. It's hard to acknowledge you need help. Tell them what your story is. Tell them what you go through day to day.
